Is it all working?

So today, just like every other day I sat with my daughter and proceeded to work through the variety of exercises that have been recommended to me by Infant development, and Children's Hospital consultants. Currently our focus is crawling. Exercises are mostly focused on trying to get Sophia motivated to crawl, or at this point, simply motivated to want to stay on her tummy. Not that I had ever considered it before, but crawling is almost completely visually driven. By using toys that light up, or make noise, I attempt to encourage that drive to crawl. Today I'm feeling particularly discouraged and I don't know why. Sitting was another milestone that was delayed with Sophia as balancing was a particularly difficult task for someone who can't see well, but I'm happy to say that she worked through it, and although delayed, is now sitting just fine. I know that crawling is also JUST delayed, and that it is something that WILL happen, but lately I'm left wondering if all these exercises are doing anything.  I start to wonder if she is more frustrated, than encouraged. I feel selfish that I want her to crawl so bad, am I pushing her to do things because I want her too? I know that she will be behind other children, but I feel like I'm having a hard time coming to terms with that. I can't seem to shake the feeling lately that I'm failing at parenthood, and is this simply because I see how advanced other babies are and then I look at my baby and feel like I'm not doing enough for her? How selfish does that make me sound? Maybe all parents feel like they are failing, but maybe seeing their children reach those milestones on time, helps them  to realize that they are doing the best they can. I'd like to say that I don't still feel like what's going on with her is my fault, and yes I know how foolish that is. I know she will reach all the same milestones as other children, and I will look back at these months in 5 years and realize how needless my worrying actually is, but I feel guilty that she's not where she should be. I feel like I should be doing more for her. I wonder; are these exercises working? Am I  perhaps doing the wrong exercises? Could I be doing something better? Everyone tells me how important the first 3 years are developmentally for visually impaired children; I wonder if this is fuelling my anxiety. I feel so much pressure to work with her now, so much pressure to do everything possible to help her develop; be the best that she can be, during a time when it is so vital. When she's not reaching that next milestone, I feel like it's my fault somehow? 

Like I said today I'm just feeling discouraged, but maybe tomorrow that will disappear....

Hello

Okay so this is all very new to me, but I am attempting to blog, for a variety of reasons, primarily however to sort through the various emotions I have been going through of late. Let me explain, but first a little background on me.

 I am 24 years old, married, and mother to my beautiful little girl, Sophia Grace, born March 2011. I guess it all started when she was born and the first thing everyone commented on was her hair. I'm sure you're wondering what was so unusual about a baby with hair? Well it was white blond, and unlike anything anyone had ever seen before. Of course I think being a new Mom, in a state of euphoria, I couldn't fathom that it was anything but normal (and I use normal here in the sense of what is seen everyday) I just remember my Mom telling me that my hair was that blond as an infant. It wasn't. At 4 months old, at her regular checkup at the Doctor is when it all came to light. I knew in my heart of hearts that something was different with my little girl, seeing the way other children "greeted" their parents with a smile when they entered the room, I had never experienced that with Sophia. In fact, she had never looked at me. When i brought this concern up to my doctor I was sent immediately to an opthamologist for a check up. Later that day I would be informed that my daughter was blind. The cause of her blindness; albinism.
    At first I remember feeling guilty, it had to be my fault. I cried for a week, and I feel horrible admitting this because well, how terrible of a mother does it make me to feel completely devastated that my child was only albino, and blind, of all the things that could be wrong with her...   I think that we, or at least I have a tendency to plan my life, all the details and events, and I planned hers too. Foolish? Yes of course, but I think that all parents would have to admit that they've imagined their little ones first day of school, her wedding day etc. I will admit that at the time of her diagnoses that I had very little information on what it meant to be blind, and even more limited was my understanding of albinism. The devastation I felt was thinking of all the things that she wouldn't get to see, or do; driving was the main one that came to mind, but their were plenty of others. I remember feeling isolated; like none of my friends could understand, and even being around them at first was difficult.

  Well it's been 5 months since then, Sophia is now 9 months old, and I'm proud to say that she is thriving for a child who is visually impaired. Each day is going to be a challenge, I am told that the first 3 years will be the most difficult for all of us, as we are coming to understand what she is capable of. I have since learnt so much about raising a child with albinism, (of course I have much more to learn) but each day I learn a little more, and I'm excited to continue to learn as I watch my little angel grow.

So why am I attempting to blog? 1) For Sophia 2) to create awareness 3) to document my struggles and successes raising a child with Albinism. To be completely honest, some days are hard, I feel like I fail in some way everyday; maybe that's how most Moms feel, maybe not, but I'm hoping that writing out my feelings will help me . I know that life for my daughter will be difficult, and sometimes that thought kills me, but then I look down at this little angel of mine, and I know that we will get through it together.